ITALIAN STEREOTYPES
When we think of stereotypes we may either expect criticism and sarcasm, something funny or a mix of the three. Today, I will be focusing on some comical and quirky manifestations of the Italian culture.
I don’t mean to start a treaty about this subject, but checking the dictionary is always the first step, as etymology – a study on the origin of a word – invariably give us clues about the significance of a certain term. The word stereotype comes from the word “type”, which is a plate used not too long ago by all printers. Now, plates were rigid and unchangeable. Clue: grammar and syntactical mistakes were the norm, and being an editor was a serious job – want to laugh? Imagine editors on the Internet today… Plates were replaced first by photo-serigraphy, then by ink-jet and laser printers, now by screens. The definition, however, survived as an unbending connotation, and it is used for “a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.” For instance, I am the living proof that stereotypes exist.
GENERALIZATIONS:
Here, of course, is the first problem: a generalization does not allow for diversity within groups and may result in stigmatization and discrimination of groups if the stereotypes linked to them are narrow or negative. For instance, it is an undeniable fact of life that pasta and pizza are a widespread tradition in the whole Italian peninsula, that Italian men look at women in a different way, that espresso is a national tradition, that the Mafia…. well, I never heard of it. But limiting Italianity to these stances equates to dismissing the genius and creativity of our beautiful peninsula, Dante and Virgilio, to Galileo, Michelangelo, Leonardo DaVinci, all the way to Valentino and Pininfarina. They are not represented by the most recent political class (please, excuse my oxymoron), whose members have a hard time putting one and one together – wait, that’s NOT a stereotype. That said, even the so-called “positive stereotypes” – such as “Italians dress well” can be limiting in nature. In fact, all stereotypes tend to be oversimplifications of the groups involved, a form of pigeonholing, if you will, often fueled by misconception and easy media generalizations. However, some stereotypes are rather hilarious, as they contain a seed of truth, frequently a self-deprecating one. The secret in these matters is to be able to take a joke about oneself. If you are not Italian, you are safe. Please, allow me to steer toward the uncanny, comical and idiosyncratic sides of the matter.
COMMON DENOMINATORS:
We all know that the most common stereotypes attached to Italians are chaos, loud behavior, belatedness, spaghetti, mafia, gesturing, romanticism, fashionability – I know, I am leaving one out on purpose. Yet, the definition of Italianity remains quite an elusive issue, for a given behavior is often the result of a complex philosophy, of centuries of experience and refinement, not to mention, it may not to be so uniform throughout the nation. For instance – here goes my omission – Italy’s ex-Premier needs to use the blue pill, whereas some folks in the South need bromide for stallions to even have a civil conversation with a beautiful woman and look at her in the eyes. But we are here for entertainment, not for poking fun out of the southerner’s expressive gesticulation or the northerner’s cold pragmatism and erectile problems – I am kidding. The fact is: Italians are far more complex than pasta and pizza momma boys, or fashionable ladies who to dress to kill. In this article I hope to offer some insider’s observation into the Italian mind, while I clarify some common misunderstandings incurred by impulsive definitions.
CHAOS:
Yes, you will panic at first, when you get caught in the boisterous anarchy of an Italian line at the airport, or – God forbid – at the Post Office. If you ever recover from such an intimate experience, you may realize that this absurd way not to have a lane actually works best to keep the nation together than, say, an orderly American line where you will never talk to your neighbor, smell his breath and listen to his life’s troubles. Italian vehicular traffic is the same: the guiding principles are compression and survival of the fittest: i.e. having a dozen close calls and arriving before others, no matter what it takes, be it fitting on a street as many cars and motorbikes as possible, till things touch. Remember, Italians like to be in touching distance! Now, don’t ask me where these people are going in such a rush, since nearly half of them are unemployed, and those who are, don’t like to work anyway. Maybe they are rushing to dinner? The fact is: Italy is ebullient and up-close. There is no other way to honk at a pretty lady’s bumper, unless one is inches away to her car’s bumper. I guess, the expression “bumper to bumper” there is meant literally! Sidewalks too, are used for parking and, if they did not have trees, cafés or benches, Italians would use them as emergency lanes. Remember: all Italians are dramatic and have emergencies!
BELATEDNESS:
Not a bad habit, as you may think. It is rather a way of living. Although Italians can put together some of the best design products in the planet, they don’t take dead lines too seriously. Appointments are the same: arriving “fashionably late” to a meeting or a dinner allows the invitees to take it easy, breath the air, smell the roses (or the car’s exhausts), and, most importantly, it allows them to unwind. Believe me, you want to see them relaxed! Here is my myth buster: the timely dudes are the anxious and controlling type. Those who are routinely late, rather than the rude ones, are the most positive and optimistic dudes. They know that time is just another fantasy. The moral: if you think only in terms of mere productivity, you will NEVER understand Italy! In fact, the bottom line is: there is no bottom line! My advice: if you find yourself in Italy, start feeling time instead of measuring it on your watch, and don’t stress out over being 30 minutes late – even one hour is somehow tolerable. Mind it, I did not say Milano!
OPTIMISM:
Did I say pessimism? I must have tried to trick you. Optimism, intended as, joy de vivre, used to be the flag of Italianity. Unfortunately, Italy has been robbed of its future by a class of vulgar, uneducated and pompous politicians. The people who elected them must have thought: “hey, that dude looks and talks like me! He failed 5th grade elementary, just like me!” This reminds me of the embarrassing George W. Bush. Both were a projection of “popular optimism” that turned into a disaster. But forget self-serving modern politicians – soon they will run out of dreams to sell. Italy is battered, but, deep inside, optimism is still is the backbone of the Italian spirit. Italians believe that, in some miraculous manners, they have always made it through bad times, even if, at the preset time, they are floating in a sea of… I don’t want to say what. Optimism is believing that one can float on the thing I just did not name; that the bus we have been waiting for one hour will show up; that an Alitalia flight is going to eventually take off; that the next Premier will not be not a pimp; that you’re your “mamma” will stop worrying about you; that eating pasta every day will not make you larger than taller; that you will find an open pharmacy in August; that smoking cigarettes like a French poet is good for the spirit; that a cute girl you are so enamored with is “yours” and is going to give you her heart… and not just that – or that you can afford the latest iPhone 6 – even if your fridge is empty. All this is so ITALIAN!
PASTA:
Pasta and Italy are synonyms, just like taxes and government, or Kim Kardashian and big asses. Southern Italy used to be the granary and bread-basket of Europe. At the same time, it was not the hottest place to locate protein-rich products. So the locals figured out that spreading a scant condiment over staple-food such as bread or pasta would feed a family …of twelve, which leads me to my next point: procreation and sexual enthusiasm. For the record, plenty of Italians prefer risotto and polenta to pasta. But, for some reason, they are less prolific than pasta eaters. And, as for their other side, well, you go and compare.
FAMILY:
Italians love to procreate. If you are an American woman, to be blunt, they would “love to have your children.” The ongoing stereotype is that, because of this indigenous desire to spread the seeds around, Italian families are numerous. Paradoxically, Italy has not increased its population in decades, in spite of many lovely foreign ladies remaining in Tuscany, lured by a stud with an Alfa Romeo. Emigration has offset foreign influx. Ergo: something serious must have happened for those young Italian men to give up the easy prey of American ladies wandering through the Italian streets at the risk of immaculate conception – which, in Italy is achieved when an Italian men intensely looks at a foreign lady with impregnating intent. Another national myth is that all Italian men are momma boys and live with their parents until they marry – which may be true for some boys and girls, but remains as incorrect of an account as stating that Americans are ready to leave home as soon as they are eighteen. This is false, as some teenagers are ready to be sent off much sooner. Italians are attached to their families. With families being far more complex and less “perfect” than one can say, they are the place where one is safe, where one can always find solace and shelter, eat something homemade, find someone to get counsel from. Mind, there is no privacy in Italy – you are not allowed to bottle up anything – your family is your shrink and they will give you the third-degree, if you dare not telling them what is bothering you. There is no Florida retirement-concept in Italy. Therefore, the elderly are perfectly integrated with the young, and they are trusted as “the ones who hold the truth” – where parents seldom do. Families are numerous not because Italians may be more prolific than other Europeans (which, of course, is true), but because Italians believe that children are a source of happiness and wealth, not just because one can afford to feed them. I am not stating here that in other parts of the world parents love their children less, but putting them on the road of independence too early? In Italy you are never independent from anything, especially from your parent’s pension funds.
COFFEE:
Italians have an amazing coffee culture. Coffee is a ritual, not a comfort drink. People don’t carry a mug around, like a Linus’ blanket, and having a coffee maker at the office is considered blasphemy, for the “concept” is to GET OUT OF THE OFFICE! Now, why is Italian coffee the absolute opposite of American coffee? Why do Italians think very little of Starbucks? Italian coffee is the result of hundreds of years of simplification to get to the very essence of coffee-ness. Per contrast, Americans love to add all kind of things to it – a practice, which in Italy is considered pure heresy and is revealing of the inability of the median American consumer to appreciate simplicity, or perhaps of its endless hunger for novelty. Unfortunately, Starbucks adds spices and flavoring to coffee to cover the disastrous quality and burnt-charcoal smell of its beans. Don’t ask me how some ladies spend $300 a month on those sugary poisons. It beats me.
Careful ordering cappuccino after 10:00 a.m. If an Italian did it, he or she would be immediately labeled as ultra rich (as someone who just woke up), or completely broke (someone who doesn’t have a job). Order it after dinner? You are automatically stamped as an American tourist.
PIZZA:
In any form of cooking, Italianity is about essentiality and recognition of each individual element. And so it goes that a real Italian pizza may look a bit too Spartan to an American consumer, for an American pizza must contain a large, nearly indigestible amount of condiment, according to a mindless Texas rule by which “the bigger, the better.” Utter nonsense, except in bed. Pizza is another way to bestow the right amount of flavor to a flatbread. Domino’s and Pizza Hut thin crusts and pizza pies are domestic masturbations, good for those who know nothing about pizza, or may need props in the boudoir… or both. And, by the way, just for the record, pizza was born in Naples. Any other account you may hear around is false. But then again, 90% of Italian pizza made in America is made by people who wouldn’t know what pizza was “if they made sweet love to it in the back of a Ford Taurus.” And don’t come tell me that Italian immigrants knew anything about Italy. Most of them were as ignorant and unpolished about the history of their own country as that very entertaining concentration of human vacuity called Sarah Palin. For your information, I am least worried about defamation – she does not read.
CUISINE:
An ongoing stereotype is that Italians regularly eat a five-course meal, of which pasta is the centerpiece – FYI, I did it only once, and I was in agony for a week, really sharing the pains of pregnancy. Nothing could be more false about Italian traditions, except the fact that an Italian will ALWAYS sit down, and refuse to eat in a car or at the office. Italian cuisine remains one of the richest and most sophisticated traditions in the world. Recipes are transmitted from grandmother to granddaughter … and some grandson. However, most people opt to eat rather frugally: get some prosciutto and mozzarella, a few olives, a fresh tomato, a small loaf of bread and eat out, on the steps of Piazza di Spagna, like a student. Of course, simplicity always hides complexity. So, for those of you who harbor a chef inside, the aforementioned principles of essentiality and distinctiveness apply to all Italian cuisine – quite the opposite, say, from French cuisine where everything is concocted, blended, dissimulated. Contrary to their enthusiastic sexual behavior, Italian love to limit themselves when it comes to choices in the kitchen. Perfect elemental marriages of Italian cuisine, such as spinach & ricotta, butter & sage, garlic & olive oil, tomato, mozzarella & basil, mint & tuna, pears & cheese, are fortuitous garden-findings that turned into a national style. When we – Italians – find the perfect food match, we leave it alone, sticking to the basic elements of it, never adding anything foreign to it. And the moral is: adding Parmigiano to everything is sacrilege, especially on pizza or fish. Of course, in bed anything goes… even something cheesy. So, now you know how to look American when you go to an Italian restaurant. Missing pseudo Italian? Try the Olive Garden or the horrific Maggiano’s. A tip: carry a garden shovel with you, you will need it!
FASHION:
The stereotype is that Italians are very fashionable and dress impeccably, but are at the same time fashion-dependent. If this is true to most formal public appearances, it is equally true that some Italians are just plain vanilla. However, most Italians have a sharp self-image and will dress stylishly for every possible occasion. The common belief is that they like to impress. The reality is that their mother may lock them up in the house if they attempt to go out without a perfectly ironed shirt. But I grew up in Italy, and I can tell you that dressing at one’s best has little to do with impressing others. Instead, it is prompted by an inner aesthetic sense, which longs to beautify everything, including one like me. The other reason to dress well is because it is a booster: it simply makes you feel good about yourself. Women know all about it. Then, of course, all Italians are concerned about looking sexy and attracting the right mate – perhaps, I should use this word in its plural expression. But victims of fashion we are not! It looks to me that we are the MAKERS of fashion for the rest of the world. An analogous stereotype is: all Italian girls look smoking hot, as if they came straight out of a Vogue magazine. There are definitely some attractive girls there, but no more or no less than anywhere else in the world. If anything, they are masters of accessory matching, which goes back to the cuisine. Every single one of them has a boyfriend, though some have two, or three, or four pretenders, all kept simmering on the stove. That is confirmed!
GESTURING:
The stereotype is: Italians cannot talk without moving their hands. While gesticulation remains a theatrical way to express feelings, Italians actually have a distinct language, which gave birth to some of the most amazing literature in the world. But gestures are an important element of communication: the way we move our hands, hold our heads, move our shoulders, our facial expressions, as well as the way we use our eyes and mouths to make ourselves understood. My guess? It comes from living for 2,000 years at the crucible of the world, and having been exposed to countless foreign domination. Italics had to make themselves understood and gesture was the Mediterranean common language. Italians are intense: we speak very loudly in public whether on the bus, in the street or on the phone. You may think we are fighting when we talk that way, but it’s just the way we are. Yes, we are all deaf. This is why Italian moms repeat things three times, until they are hammered in our head.
MAFIA:
Stereotype: Mafia is dangerous to tourists. Mafia is real, let’s not kid about it, but it works underground, quite invisibly, and it will not affect you, if you are not doing large business transactions in the southern regions. Italians are not proud of it but it does exist, especially in Sicily. Obviously, not every Sicilian is a Mafioso and most will feel offended and insulted if you use the term, even when if you mean it as a joke. In the end, if you runt into it, as in the Grandfather memento: leave the gun and take the cannoli!
ROMANTICISM:
Stereotype: Italians are very romantic. Italians do enjoy romance just like everyone else – but will never let a girl or a lady go home unescorted, or miss to open the door to a female of any age – so maybe the stereotype of the Italian romantic man is not completely dead. But true romanticism is not about kindness, but about – are you ready for this? – the unreachable nature of the object of desire. It sounds like Arabic. It is the belief that, if you get too close to it, it will vanish. You may say: it is a fable! But here I am going to disappoint you: it is a fact of life, proven by every branch of the humanities. Romanticism is also about chivalry, which sets out as a society of undercover knights who are out there to protect women from violence and abuse. The awareness of these facts may make you tread lightly… one degree closer to the rich Italian spirit and soul.
MACHO CULTURE:
Counter to the notion of chivalry, the macho ideal is still well and alive in the Italian culture. Stereotyping macho is easy – such as “macho is disrespectful to women” or “all Italian men are cheaters”, but these labels are dismissing the fact that, invariably, a woman of any culture will be attracted by the more self-confident man in the room. The fact that Italian men like women of all shapes and forms is actually an understatement: Italians drool, long, crave and yearn for women! Numerous reasons contribute to this fact of life: 1) the diet and the sun makes them horny, though it may be pure genetics; 2) Italian women don’t give it so easily – they make a man work for it; 3) Italian women are huge flirts; 4) Italian women dress to provoke and are not so shy about it. However feministic your thoughts may be, having more than one lover has never been a man’s exclusive. The fact is that, for every man who yearns for a lover, there is a woman who accepts that condition. It takes two to twist – I mean, to tango. Macho culture does not imply misogyny either. Ironically, all men are reared by a mother and therefore, mothers – not fathers – seem the primary instrument of propagation of machismo. This may be one of the reasons why Italian women might have looked at feminism with some suspicion. Italian women know that a man is an essential element to a family, not to mention to the psychic and emotional equilibrium of every male and female in the household. But more importantly, women know that a man without a woman is a sad loner. This form of integration between the sexes is the benchmark against which all cultural manifestations of Italy must be compared.
More stereotypes await our examination. In my journey I found out that a good dose of humor and self-criticism make us more acceptable to others and that all distinctions should be intended as “character”, not as a fence to keep the other out. After all, some of us migrated to the US because we could not fit more character into ourselves – feel free to read between the lines…
As I said in my intro, I should have remembered that my sister nicknamed me “Charlie” for a reason.
It’s too late now. I am yours, Giancarlo Pirrone